The Value of Encouragment

The value of encouragement cannot be overstated. In my book "Epitaph Theory" I talk about a substitute teacher who changed my life in grade ten.  I had behavioural problems in school and many of the advisors and administration were thinking a "work experience or remedial type program" may be best.  Other teachers did not want to deal with me or any issues I might have so they elected just to send me to the office on a regular basis to the people who are "paid to deal with these problems."  However that was before the best teacher I ever met, Sue Veilette (who I understand has changed her name since then), told me to stay after class.  I was fully expecting her to have a talk about my behaviour and to get the regular scolding I had coming to me for being disruptive in class. Instead, Sue proceeded to tell me she could see signs of brilliance in me and I could easily be the smartest in the class.  My behaviour was the only thing holding me back and if I just changed that I could do anything I set my mind to.  WOW! That was truly a game changer for me and from that small talk I turned my life around and went from risk of failure and permanent suspension to being an honour student who went onto many personal and career successes.  I had the privilege of meeting Sue over twenty years later to tell her the story and asking for permission to share it in my book.  That meeting came at a time in her life when she was struggling and wondering if what she did made any difference anymore so you can imagine how my story and encouragement changed her perspective.  We shared some smiles, tears and laughs and I had the opportunity to thank her many years after.  I encourage you to thank others sooner than I did.   Never underestimate the value of encouragement!

I recently read a great piece in Drago Adam's "Monday Motivator I want to share that gives additional perspective on this:

Several times in my life, I have wanted to stop, but words or deeds of encouragement have kept me going. George Adams said, “There are high spots in all of our lives, and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else.”

Years ago, an experiment was conducted to measure people’s capacity to endure pain. The test was to see how long a barefooted person could stand in a bucket of ice water. It was discovered that when there was someone else present offering encouragement and support, the person standing in the ice water could tolerate pain twice as long as when no one was present. Again, encouragement keeps us going, no matter the adversity that faces us.

Encouragement Makes People Better
To further illustrate the power of encouragement, I would like to share with you an experiment performed some time ago in the San Francisco school system. A principal in the district called in three teachers and told them that, because of their expertise, they were considered the finest teachers in the system. He also told them they would be given 90 high-IQ students who would be allowed to learn at their own pace to see how far they could advance.

At the end of the year, these students achieved 20 to 30 percent more than other students in the entire San Francisco Bay area. The principal called the three teachers in and told them he had a confession to make. He told them they didn’t have 90 of the most intellectually gifted students. In fact, academically, they were run-of-the-mill, average students picked at random. The teachers naturally concluded their exceptional teaching skills must have been responsible for the students’ great progress. But the principal had another confession to divulge: These teachers were the first three names drawn out of a hat.

Why, then, did these students and teachers perform at such an exceptional level for the entire year? They were encouraged to believe that they could. Psychologists say that, deep down, all people have certain desires in common. If you want to encourage people, help them fulfill these most basic, heartfelt desires. People want to:

: do the right thing. Stand with them. 
: find better ways of doing things. Empower them. 
: achieve things they can be proud of. Motivate them. 
: belong to a group that achieves the extraordinary. Invite them. 
: earn recognition for who they are and what they achieve. Honor them.

Encouragement Turns Lives Around
Encouragement is deciding to make your problem my problem.

I would like to share with you a wonderful story I read in A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The author of the story, Dan Clark, recalls when, as a teenager, he and his father stood in line to buy tickets for the circus. As they waited, they noticed a family immediately in front of them. The parents were holding hands and had eight children in tow, all under the age of 12. Based on their clean, but simple clothing, Clark suspected they didn’t have a lot of money. The kids chattered about the exciting things they were expecting to see, and he could tell the circus was going to be a new adventure for them.

As the couple approached the counter, the attendant quoted the price for the entire family. The woman let go of her husband’s hand, and her head dropped. The man leaned a little closer and asked, “How much did you say?” The attendant again quoted the price; the man obviously didn’t have enough money. He looked crushed. Clark says that his father, who was watching all of this play out, put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a $20 bill and dropped it on the ground. His father then reached down, picked up the bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket.” The man knew exactly what was going on, and he looked straight into Clark’s father’s eyes, took his hand, shook it and, with tears streaming down his cheeks, replied, “Thank you, thank you, sir. This really means a lot to me and my family.”

Clark and his father went back to the car and drove home. They didn’t have enough money to go to the circus that night. But it didn’t matter. It encouraged the whole family. And it was something neither family would ever forget.

Encouragement Gives Hope

My wife, Margaret, and I love to visit presidential libraries and museums. While most people are in and out, we take our time. I usually take a notebook and will come out with anywhere from six to a dozen lessons on leadership.

At the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C., they had some of the personal articles Abraham Lincoln had with him the night he was assassinated at the Ford Theatre on display. Among those listed, there was a Confederate $5 bill and a worn-out newspaper article that extolled Lincoln’s accomplishments as president. The article starts out, “Abe Lincoln is one of the greatest statesmen of all time.”

Isn’t it interesting that the president of the United States, the most powerful man in the free world, would be walking around with a worn-out newspaper clipping in his pocket from somebody who was giving him praise? If you are a student of Lincoln, it makes sense. He was never really appreciated until after his death. But here he is, hanging on to one man’s opinion saying he was doing a good job.

Everybody Needs Somebody
None of us achieve anything without the help of somebody else. In fact, some of the greatest discoveries and achievements in history happened because these people were encouraged by others. Authors C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien maintained a close friendship throughout their careers, sharing their love of mythical stories and a desire to create those stories for the public. It was Tolkien who led Lewis to Christianity, and it was Lewis who encouraged Tolkien to keep writing fiction. It is said the literary world would have neither The Chronicles of Narnia nor The Lord of the Rings if not for the friendship between these two men.

One of the great things about encouragement is that you don’t have to be brilliant to encourage people; you just have to have a heart for other people. Find ways to encourage others. Put your arm around them, and tell them how much you appreciate them. You never know if that one good act of kindness is exactly what they need. As you encourage others, you encourage yourself.

When giving encouragement, be sure it’s earned. And remember to keep it sincere, honest, appropriate, meaningful, balanced and specific. Think of someone who has been an encouragement to you. Follow their example and pay it forward to someone you know. Don’t hesitate; do it today and make a difference in someone’s life.

If you are looking to make changes in your business or personal life to create greater impact and results please contact me as I would love to help.

I wish you all the best and exceptional success however you define it!

Corey

My Determinants For Success

     Over the next few months I am beginning a series on the major determinants of success.   I will give the list today but over the next few months will expand on the ideas listed and provide greater clarity, expectation, and methods so you can use them on your way to even greater success in your own life.

     The list is based on my many years as an entrepreneur, consultant, coach, and university instructor in addition to current research I am doing in this area as I prepare to obtain my PhD.  This is not to be the be all end all but merely a long list of many, not all, factors that lead to what I call true success in life.

    

     Corey’s major determinants of Success:

1.      Self confident

2.      Goal setting

3.      Persistent

4.      Hard working

5.      Self aware

6.      Positive minded (optimist vs. pessimist)

7.      View failure as learning opportunity

8.      Optimistic but realistic (not pie in the sky)

9.      High EQ,RQ, and social competence

10.    Vision (Visioning works!)

11.    Drive (Intrinsic motivation)

12.    Do What Unsuccessful People Are Unwilling To Do (Habits and Face              Challenges)

13.   Have Fun and Enjoy The Journey  (Views from the Top) “It cannot be                considered success unless you are smiling”-Joe Desena

14.   Leadership and great ideas can come from anywhere and are not dependent   on position

15.   Synergies create a better outcome than the sum of the parts

16.   Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory

17.   If it doesn't challenge you, it sure as heck won’t change you

So there it is.  I look forward to expanding upon each of these ideas and generating discussion around these.  I also look forward to feedback and any additional things you have found that I have missing in this list.

"Advice For Want To Be Entrepreneurs"

I was recently asked a series of questions from a friend that is looking at starting a business as part of their requirements for a program they are utilizing for potential funding.  I then thought this information which is my own personal opinions and what I have learned may be helpful to others and I would love to have people give additional feedback and comments as it is a great question and avenue to share your own experiences and thoughts.  Please enjoy this unedited version of those answers and I look forward to hearing your input.

1 What made you go into business for yourself?

I went into business for myself to have the ability to be my own boss and determine my hours and control my financial destiny.  Take my experience and try to do things better.  If I am not happy with my situation and think some things should be done differently the best way to accomplish that is by creating the environment to make that possible-Entrepreneurship!

2 What was hard about it?

There is a time lag that can come with cash flow and developing  a business.  I also found focus and what priorities I made versus what priorities I should make determined my success (being effective vs. just being busy).  As I  am only accountable to myself, I think having a mentor or coach to help keep me focused and accountable led to my greatest successes.

3 What was surprising about it?

having a strong and compelling vision and dream is easy but keeping focused and committed is hard as the amount of work and how hard it is to reach the goals was harder than expected and took longer than I expected.  Mistakes and failure will come…how we deal with it when it happens ultimately shapes our success long term.

4 What do you really enjoy about having your own business?

Flexibility and making a difference. Sense of accomplishment when success comes.

5 What skills are needed to successfully operate a business?

Financial, time, and stress management.  Organizational skills.  Communication,sales and marketing skills.  Relationship building and networking. Many others but those are the first that come to mind.

6 What advice would give to a person wanting to start their own business?

Spend a lot of time planning out the details before launching the business.  It gives the guide and roadmap but also the measurement and accountability needed to succeed. Ensure all tools and resources are in place to ensure you put your best foot forward early. First impressions count!

"Doing Things Right" or "Doing The Right Things"

I recently saw this question asked in a forum I follow and felt compelled to answer. Below is my answer to this question. Doing the wrong things right means you are still doing something wrong. It always pays to do the right things! Doing the right things doesn't always mean things turn out as you planned but it does allow you to maintain your integrity and hold your head high in whatever the decision is. I use to always say my guiding principles in decision making were "let common sense and your conscience be your guide." I realize for those of you who are employed it may put you in an awkward position and possibly put your employment at risk. However, I would ask the question "what is the effect on your health of doing things you know are wrong even when done right?" Also, the long term implications of the answer to this answer, not just the short term, need to be considered. It can take years or decades to build a reputation and integrity but it only takes one bad decision to take that away or have it questioned (i.e. doing a wrong thing the right way AKA doing as you are told even when you know it is wrong). When in doubt take the high road. If you are worried about repercussions from an employer or boss then have a discussion and express those concerns and possibly put those concerns in writing and help them understand your point and be open to what they have to say before assuming you know it is wrong. I look forward to hearing other people's comments. In the meantime, keep your head held high!

Stop Dreaming!

This was such a great article that I thought why reinvent the wheel just to show an article I wrote myself-Humbling.  I have decided if there is a great idea I come across or one that you want me to share, I am going with it as wisdom can come from anywhere.  I want to be a leader and teacher but also show I can be a student and life-long learner.

5 Ways to Stop Dreaming and Start Building Your New Business Now

Dreaming is easy. Starting? Not so much. Here are five ways to make the first steps easier.

By Jenn Houser |  @upstartbootcamp   |  Jul 5, 2011 from Inc. Magazine

 As a serial entrepreneur, I've had my share of new business ideas and (nerd alert!) I find it fun to think about them. Many don’t last longer than it takes me to say, "Hey, it would be cool to (insert idea du jour)." But occasionally an idea sticks with me. I find myself dreaming about turning it into a business. But actually taking the first steps can feel intimidating, even when I’ve done it before.

So that's when I think about something my grandparents used to say to each other. My grandmother would begin happy hour with, "I'm thinking about having a drink," to which my grandfather would reply, "Stop thinking and start pouring!" That philosophy never fails to inspire me to make an easy move to get going.

Here are some pointers to get you building your business now:

Take a step, any step. One of the things that makes starting so hard is that there's so much to do. It's overwhelming. So just pick something—anything—and do it. You'll feel good getting a task done and then be encouraged to take on another one. Before you know it, you're on your way. I usually start with something I like to do, and can get done in one sitting. For example, since I'm a product person, I will write a quick description of what the product offering will be. Then I'll add who will buy it and why. I won't sweat it if it's not perfect (see the next point) because I can change it later. Now I feel pretty darn good because I got started.

Keep it simple and forget perfect. Jason Fried of 37signals, a Chicago web company, says this best: "If you're opening a hot dog stand, you could worry about the condiments, the cart, the name, the decoration. But the first thing you should worry about is the hot dog. The hot dogs are the epicenter. Everything else is secondary." Figure out what your hot dog is, hold the (perfect) trimmings for later and you'll find starting gets much simpler.

Don't reinvent the wheel. There is no need to build something from scratch that you can rent, lease, or (better yet) use for no or low cost. For example, when you are building your website, consider using Wordpress or Blogger rather than having a custom-coded website built. The "off the shelf" tools are much cheaper, faster, and easier to use while you're learning what is needed for your business.

Tell people you're starting. Some founders assume they shouldn't tell anyone what they're doing because someone could steal their idea. But in my experience, the benefits far outweigh the risks. First, nothing makes a business "real" faster for me than telling the people in my life that I'm starting it. Second, a curious thing happens when you tell people about your business. They ask questions and offer ideas. They make introductions and identify the competition. And, by knowing, they can support you (emotionally and otherwise) as you're doing this incredibly rewarding but hard thing.

Tell people what you need. Immediately after you share with someone what you're doing, you should also identify for them what you need right now. This makes their help even more helpful. For example, if you are a technologist who really needs an online marketing expert to help you run the business, tell that to everyone you meet. Your contacts may not know the right person but someone else they know might. You'll be surprised what a small world it is that way.

Look at that, you're started. Easy-peasy.

Jeuser is a serial entrepreneur and start-up adviser. She and David Ronick partnered with Inc. to create Upstart Bootcamp@Inc., a program that guides entrepreneurs to start up smarter. 

Choose the Bright Side

I have talked and worked with thousands of people now and one thing that is clear is that as individuals we have good days and we have bad days.  Some have more than the other but we all have both and I like to think it is a good thing.  We celebrate in the good days and how great we feel.  We can do the same in the challenging times and days as well.  Challenges are opportunities to appreciate those good days that much more.  Moreover, the challenging days are where character is built and honed.  Many of the greatest accomplishments were done because of struggles or times of intense stress or pressure.  I also think our focus determines our perception and ultimately our outcomes - A self fulfilling prophecy.  When we focus on being mad,sad, or bitter that tends to be how we feel and we find more things to back up that feeling as that is where the focus lies and we tend to see what we focus on.  On the other hand, we can choose to see the positives and being happy and grateful and thinking abundantly and about possibilities and that is likely what we attract - Law of Attraction (this is real and much research and many books exist to prove this).

I was recently asked how things were going.  To be honest it is a time of transition and things are challenging looking at it from the outside.  However, I have faith and determination that has me seeing the positives and looking to the future with great anticipation while still being grateful for the blessings I currently have in my life.  This isn't Pollyanna thinking either.  My answer when asked, "how are things going?" went like this:
"I have realized that no matter where I go and what circumstance I am in I figure 90% of the time it is great and 10% of the time it sucks but I have a choice on which to focus on so I choose the 90%."  I have been thinking of that a lot lately and realize focus can expand the good and minimize the bad.  Allow yourself to have the odd bad day since sometimes circumstances make it the logical, reasonable, and appropriate thing to do (i.e. being sad over the loss of a loved one) but don't stay stuck there forever.  I remember those feelings when I lost my dad and then my mother but it was shortly after that I shifted to writing the eulogy that I got to focus on the positives and celebrate their lives with loved ones that helped get through those tough times.  We know sometimes life happens and things aren't always fair and not everyone is reasonable or shares the same values or integrity and we may have little control over certain aspects of our lives or situations but we can choose our own attitudes and behaviours.   I challenge all of you to choose the bright side!