A Useful Life (Drago Adams from The Monday Motivator)

When you are 80 years old, sitting in your porch rocking chair and reflecting on life, questions such as Did I live a useful life? will cross your mind. There’s no doubt this question will be important to you at 80, so it really should be important to you now.

Unfortunately, a lot of people make a habit of postponing life. They think that somehow, some way, somewhere at some time, life will get better. This rather poignant saying helps illustrate my point:

First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. Then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could return to work. Then I was dying to retire. And now I am dying and suddenly realize I forgot to live.

Isabel Moore said, “Life is a one-way street. No matter how many detours you take, none of them leads back. And once you know and accept that, life becomes much simpler.”

I’ve understood for some time that the only day I have is today. Even so, having a heart attack a few years ago crystallized that concept in my mind. Life is a one-way street. This isn’t a dress rehearsal—it’s a live performance.

We need to take special care to live a useful life, starting now.

So what does it mean to live a useful life? For me, the usefulness of my life is determined by:
•    The relationships I form
•    The decisions I make
•    The experiences I encounter

The Relationships I Form

Relationships help us define who we are and what we can become. More than almost anything else, relationships determine the kind of a life you lead. In fact, most people can trace their failures or successes back to pivotal relationships.

Our relationships with others fall into one of four categories:

1. Addition—Some relationships add to who we are.
2. Subtraction—Some relationships take a little bit out of us.
3. Multiplication—Some relationships can multiply our strengths, results and contacts.
4. Division—Some relationships can divide us.

Think about the people in your life. Where do they fit into these categories? I’m sure it wouldn’t take long to put names beside each category, right? Many of the sorrows we experience spring out of relationships with the wrong people. But it is also true that some of the greatest joys we experience in life develop as the result of our relationships with the right people. With that in mind, work to increase the time and energy you invest in the relationships that improve your life.

And, perhaps above all, work on becoming a person who improves others’ lives.

The Decisions I Make

Our decisions also determine the usefulness of our lives. One of my favorite quotes on making decisions comes from the great John Wooden, who said, “Make each day your masterpiece.”

There are two ingredients necessary to make every day a masterpiece: decisions and discipline. Decision-making takes care of goal setting, but discipline also takes care of goal-getting. Decisions and discipline can’t be separated; one is worthless without the other.

Since I’m talking about living a useful life, let me share what I consider to be a few of my own life-changing decisions.

• I am committed to continual personal growth. I believe growth is happiness, it is essential. Out of my growth I live, and out of my growth, I give.

• I will give and serve on the front end. Many of the blessings I enjoy today are the result of the decision my wife, Margaret, and I made to try to live a life of giving with no strings attached.

• I will exhibit a great attitude, regardless of the situation.

Virginia Satir said, “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” It’s not the circumstances life deals us that determine our success or failure. It’s our response to it.

The Experiences I Encounter

Finally, the experiences we encounter on a daily basis impact our ability to live a useful life. Joseph Campbell put it best, “People say that what we’re all seeking is meaning for life…. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Our experiences determine how fulfilling our life is, and there are four realms to every experience:

1. Entertainment—Absorbing experience through the senses
2. Educational—Participation of a person’s mind or body, sometimes both
3. Escapist—Completely involves the person, like going to a theme park
4. Esthetic—Immersion in an environment but not affecting it

Jim Gilmore was spot-on when he said, “The richest and most compelling human experiences draw from all four realms.” If you are a leader or a communicator, ask yourself: When I am communicating with or leading people, do I involve all four experiences?

Final Thoughts
If you’re not doing something with your life, it doesn’t matter how long it is. If you’re doing something with your life, it doesn’t matter how long it is. Life does not consist of years lived, but of its usefulness.
If you are giving, loving, serving, helping, encouraging and adding value to others, you have a useful life!

How Successful People Set Goals and Follow Through

As many of you know I am all about goal setting and increasing performance and results while improving team cohesion and personal well-being.  This recent article and blog post is a great perspective from the world's number 1 Executive Coach Marshall Goldsmith. 

This is the link to the youtube video on the subject and below has a write up and narrative to bring perspective and learning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9-VOHw9lCc


The typical advertisement or “infomercial” – designed to help people “get in shape” – provides a great example of what not to do in goal-setting. The message is almost always the same, “For an ‘incredibly small’ amount of money – you can buy a ‘revolutionary’ product – that is ‘unbelievably easy’ and ‘fun to use’. This product will produce ‘amazing results’ ‘in almost no time’ and you will ‘have the body that you always wanted’.” Most infomercials imply that you will not have to continue exercising and dieting for years – that you will continue to look young – and that you will have frequent, wonderful sex for the rest of your life.
In reality there is no “easy answer” – real change requires real effort. The “quick fix” is seldom a “meaningful fix”. Distractions and competing responses are going to happen and the most successful people, and those who really want to be great, understand this.
Below are three of the most important reasons that people give up on goals followed by a brief description of how successful people “do it differently” and are ultimately well-positioned to achieve their goals.

1. OwnershipOne of the biggest mistakes in all of leadership development is the roll-out of programs and initiatives with the promise that “this will make you better”. A classic example is the performance appraisal process. Many companies change their performance appraisal forms on a regular basis. How much good does this usually do? None! These appraisal form changes just confuse people and are seen as annual exercises in futility. What companies don’t want to face is the real problem – it is seldom the form – the real problem is the managers who lack either the courage or the discipline to make the appraisal process work. The problem with the “this will make you better” approach is that the emphasis is on the “this” and not the “you”.
   Rather than rely on the latest “program,” successful people have a high need for and reliance upon self-determination. They commit to the challenge, task, or process that needs their efforts and make a plan to meet their goals. Because of this commitment, they are far more likely to achieve success.
2. TimeMost of us have a natural tendency to underestimate the time needed to reach targets. Everything seems to take longer than we think that it should! When the time elapsed in working toward our goal starts exceeding expectations, we are tempted to just give up on the goal, and often do.
   Successful goal-setters are more time-sensitive than the general population. They are more realistic about the time it will take them to implement and complete various changes and/or tasks. In addition, they review their goals frequently and adjust their plans for progress as necessary. Thus, they are more likely to meet their own goal expectations.
3. DifficultyThe gripe with difficulty is, “The challenge, process, or task is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sounded so simple when I was starting out!”
   In setting goals it is important that we realize that real change will take real work. Expecting that “this will be easy” and “this will be no problem for me” can backfire in the long-term when we realize that change is not easy and that we will invariably face some problems in our journey toward change.
   Successful people understand that there will be a price for success – they will have to work hard to achieve their goals. This realistic outlook prevents the disappointment that can occur when challenges do arise later in the change process – and as a result they are less likely to give up.

All of these messages may sound “tough”, but they are real. Successful people are not afraid of challenging goals. In fact – clear, specific goals that produce a lot of challenge – tend to produce the best results!
 Taken from: http://www.marshallgoldsmithfeedforward.com/marshallgoldsmithblog/?p=1082&utm_source=03+CBC+Full&utm_campaign=03+CBC+-+Full&utm_medium=email
Posted on November 2, 2015 by Coach Marilyn

Do it Scared!

Fear can be crippling for most of us but it need not be.  

So how do you step up and move past the fear and go to those heights you aspire? It’s simple: do the things that others aren’t willing to do.

Whether you’re a leader, a team member, or a candidate, success comes from having the discipline to do the things that you know you should be doing, even when you don’t feel like doing them. When you practice this kind of self-discipline regularly, you’ll naturally stand out from the pack—because most people avoid the hard stuff. It’s just easier to put it off.

But the truth is that what feels easy now creates problems down the line. And what feels hard now—doing the stuff you don’t feel like—makes everything easier in the long-term. Self-discipline doesn’t have to be hard—you just have to change the way you think about it.

Successful people have mastered the art of self-discipline. I’ve spent the last 10 years studying and coaching some of the most successful people in business, figuring out what makes them different. They’re not smarter or more talented than the average person—they just consistently do what others aren’t willing to do by keeping three principles in mind:

Do it scared. 
Fear is one of the biggest saboteurs of our goals, because it inhibits action. The next time you feel yourself putting something off because you’re afraid—of uncertainty or failure—just “do it scared.”

I once heard a true story of a woman who was trapped in a burning building on the 80th floor. She was terrified of heights and enclosed spaces, and when the fire alarm went off, she refused to follow her colleagues into the stairwell to evacuate to safety.

The firemen did a sweep of the building and found her hiding under her desk, waiting to die. She was screaming “I’m scared, I’m scared!” as the firemen insisted she walk down the stairwell until one fireman said, “That’s OK, just do it scared.” He repeated it all the way down the 80 flights of stairs, until he brought her to safety.

We’ve all faced these moments in our careers—when you know what has to be done, but your fear holds you back. In order to stand out, you must develop the habit of acting in the face of fear. It’s fine to be scared—do it scared. It’s fine to be unsure—do it unsure. It’s fine to be uncomfortable—do it uncomfortable. Just do something.

This is the attitude of the most disciplined and successful people on the planet. They might be scared, but they do it anyway. And by just doing something, you create movement and momentum that will lead to progress and results.

Habits, not results.
Perfectionism is one of the most common reasons people procrastinate, and we’ve all done it at some point.

The best way to overcome this impulse is to put your self-esteem into stellar work habits instead of results. It can take a while to see the fruits of your labor—whether you’re spearheading a new initiative, trying to launch a business, or planning a second act career. To keep yourself motivated, take pride in sticking to your work habits, rather than looking for immediate results. In time, success will follow.

Remember the big picture.
The pursuit of any goal will inevitably face a number of obstacles. The difference between those who stand out in their careers and those who blend in lies in what you do when you reach these critical turning points. Do you hesitate and turn back? Or do you press forward? When you feel frustrated, depressed, or disappointed, don’t give up—just get some perspective.

I have a mental reminder that helps me push past these hurdles. I hold my pen up to my eye and stare directly down the barrel. Then, I pull it away and look at it in its entirety. It’s a quick way to remind myself to look at my life in the same way.

Stop fixating on the here and now, and think about the big picture. Today’s challenges may not make sense, but you must have faith that over the long term, they will be nothing more than blips on the radar screen. Having this perspective and faith will help you press forward at the moments when others turn back.

Contrary to popular belief, people who have reached the highest levels in their careers aren’t necessarily better educated, more talented or better connected. Neither are they simply more motivated or harder workers. Rather, successful people have realized that getting to the top means that they first have to do the things that they don’t want to do related to their goals.

It’s not about enjoying self-discipline—it’s about adopting a few new ways of thinking that simply make discipline easier to endure. And when you develop the habit of doing things that others won’t do, you’re putting yourself on the fast track to the route to the top.

Thanks to Drago Adams for his contribution to the content of this article.

Power of our Words and Vocabulary

One of my workshops I deliver is "The Language of Leadership" and a blog I just read today reminded me of the power of the words we use.  I encourage you to reflect on this question: How is your vocabulary?

Drago Adams has this to say when answering that question:

Sometimes the subtle difference in our attitude, which can make a major difference in our future, can be as simple as the language we use. It’s the difference in even how you talk to yourself or others. It’s consciously making a decision to quit saying what you don't want and to start saying what you do want. It’s faith—believing in the best, hoping for the best and moving toward the best.

Instead of saying, "What if somebody doesn't respond?" start saying, "What if they do respond?" Instead of saying, "What if someone says no?" say, "What if they say yes?" Instead of saying, "What if they start and quit?" say, "What if they start and stay?" Instead of saying, "What if it doesn't work out?" say, "What if it does work out?"

When you start thinking and saying what you really want, then your mind automatically shifts and pulls you in that direction. And sometimes it can be that simple—just a little twist in vocabulary that illustrates your attitude and philosophy.

Our language can also affect how others perform and behave around us. A teenager says to a parent, "I need $10." The parents say, "No comprende. That’s not how you get $10. That kind of language doesn't work here. But ‘How can I earn $10?’ might.”

There is plenty of money here. There is money for everybody—but you have to learn the magic words to get it. To get everything you could possibly want, you just have to learn the philosophy. How could you earn $10?

You can't go to the soil and say, "Give me a harvest." You know the soil smiles and says, "Who is this clown that brings me his need and brings me no seed?" And if you say to the soil, "I've got this seed and if I planted it, would you work while I sleep?" And the soil says, "No problem. Give me the seed. Go to sleep and I'll be working while you're sleeping." These simple principles are sometimes just a matter of language.

It is easy to stumble through almost a lifetime and not learn some of these simplicities. Then you have to put up with all the lack and all the challenges that don't work out simply from not reading the book, not listening to the lesson, not studying your language—not being willing to search so you can then find.

But here is the great news. You can start this process anytime. For me it was at age 25. At 25 I was broke. Six years later, I was a millionaire.

You might ask, "What kind of revolution, what kind of change, what kind of thinking, what kind of magic had to happen? Was it you?"

No.

Any person, any six years you go on an intensive, accelerated personal development curve, learning curve, application curve, you can learn the disciplines. Now, it might not take the same amount of time, but the same changes and the same rewards are available for those who pay that “six-year" price. And you might find that whether it's in the beginning to help get you started or in the middle to keep you on track, your language can have a great impact on your attitude, actions and results.

You can change your life if you really want to. You can improve it, make it better—and it only takes 6 steps. Are you ready

Drago

Be Irressistable!

Some people, regardless of what they lack—money, looks, or social connections—always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.

These people are the life of every party. They're the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.

You just can't get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don't? What makes them so irresistible?"

The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.

Irresistible people aren’t constantly searching for validation, because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.

Since being irresistible isn’t the result of dumb luck, it’s time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.

Get ready to say “hello” to a new, more irresistible you.

1. They Treat EVERYONE With Respect

Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that—no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with—it’s all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else.

2. They Follow The Platinum Rule

The Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.

The Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated—corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.

3. They Ditch The Small Talk

There’s no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life.

4. They Focus On People More Than Anything Else

Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They don’t obsess over how well they’re liked, because they’re too busy focusing on the people they’re with. It’s what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.

To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you’re with. Focus on what they’re saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.

5. They Don’t Try Too Hard

Irresistible people don’t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’s not that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.

6. They Recognize The Difference Between Fact And Opinion

Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’t shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they’reopinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.

7. They Are Authentic

Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.

People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It’s easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

8. They Have Integrity

People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.

9. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

10. They Make An Effort To Look Their Best (Just Not Too Much Of An Effort)

There’s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes—it’s a sign of respect for others. But once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.

11. They Find Reasons To Love Life

Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They’re never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.

It’s not that irresistible people don’t have problems—even big ones—but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.

Bringing It All Together

Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.

They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be.

Adapted from Drago Adam's Monday motivator June 22, 2015

Challenges To Pursue To Becoming Your Best Self

I recently came across an article by Drago Adam's in his "Monday Motivator" I thought was simple but great advice. Enjoy!

Corey Sigvaldason

13 Challenges to Pursue:

1. Review your performance.
Whether it's your communication skills, whether it's recent activity, whether it's as a CEO or whether it's on the job. Here's what my father said: “Always do more than you are paid for to make an investment in your future.”

2. Face your fears. 
That's how you conquer them. Don't dismiss them—face them.

3. Exercise your willpower to change direction.You don't have to keep doing what you've been doing the last six years if it's not yielding the benefits you want. Pick a new destination and go that way. Use your willpower to start the process. Clean up the errors. Invest it now in the next year. Watch it make the difference.

4. Admit your mistakes. 
Sometimes you have to admit them to others. One of the best phrases in the English language? “I'm sorry.” (Humble Pie may taste bad. but it's good for the soul)

5. Refine your goals. 
Set some higher goals. Go for something beyond what you thought you could do. 

6. Believe in yourself. 
You've got to believe in the possibilities. There isn't a skill you can't learn; there isn't a discipline you can't try; there isn't a class you can't take; there isn't a book you can't read.

7. Ask for wisdom. This is communication of the highest source. Ask for wisdom that creates answers. Ask for the wisdom that creates faith to believe things are possible. Don't wish it was easier; wish you were better.

8. Invest your profits. 
Profits are better than wages. Wages make you a living; profits make you a fortune.

9. Live with intensity. You might as well turn it up a notch or two. Invest more of you in whatever you do. Be a little stronger; be a little wiser. Step up your vitality contribution. Put everything you've got into everything you do and then ask for more vitality, more strength and more vigor, more heart and more soul.

10. Find your place. 
If you just work on a job, find the best place you can serve well, and sure enough they'll ask you to occupy a better place. Keep doing your job well; do the very best you can. That's your best way out.

11. Demand integrity from yourself. 
Integrity is like loyalty. You can't demand it of someone else; you can only demand it of yourself. Be the best example of loyalty, and you'll get some loyal followers. Be the best example of integrity, and you'll have people around you who have integrity. Lead the way.

12. Welcome the disciplines. 
Disciplines build cities. A well-disciplined activity creates abundance, creates uniqueness, creates productivity.

13. Fight for what's right. 
If you want something valuable, you've got to fight for it. Fight the enemy and keep faith. Fight the illness and keep faith. Fight the evil and keep faith.

We trust you all are up to the challenge to become the best you can be and remember to celebrate the little victories along the way!