Power of our Words and Vocabulary

One of my workshops I deliver is "The Language of Leadership" and a blog I just read today reminded me of the power of the words we use.  I encourage you to reflect on this question: How is your vocabulary?

Drago Adams has this to say when answering that question:

Sometimes the subtle difference in our attitude, which can make a major difference in our future, can be as simple as the language we use. It’s the difference in even how you talk to yourself or others. It’s consciously making a decision to quit saying what you don't want and to start saying what you do want. It’s faith—believing in the best, hoping for the best and moving toward the best.

Instead of saying, "What if somebody doesn't respond?" start saying, "What if they do respond?" Instead of saying, "What if someone says no?" say, "What if they say yes?" Instead of saying, "What if they start and quit?" say, "What if they start and stay?" Instead of saying, "What if it doesn't work out?" say, "What if it does work out?"

When you start thinking and saying what you really want, then your mind automatically shifts and pulls you in that direction. And sometimes it can be that simple—just a little twist in vocabulary that illustrates your attitude and philosophy.

Our language can also affect how others perform and behave around us. A teenager says to a parent, "I need $10." The parents say, "No comprende. That’s not how you get $10. That kind of language doesn't work here. But ‘How can I earn $10?’ might.”

There is plenty of money here. There is money for everybody—but you have to learn the magic words to get it. To get everything you could possibly want, you just have to learn the philosophy. How could you earn $10?

You can't go to the soil and say, "Give me a harvest." You know the soil smiles and says, "Who is this clown that brings me his need and brings me no seed?" And if you say to the soil, "I've got this seed and if I planted it, would you work while I sleep?" And the soil says, "No problem. Give me the seed. Go to sleep and I'll be working while you're sleeping." These simple principles are sometimes just a matter of language.

It is easy to stumble through almost a lifetime and not learn some of these simplicities. Then you have to put up with all the lack and all the challenges that don't work out simply from not reading the book, not listening to the lesson, not studying your language—not being willing to search so you can then find.

But here is the great news. You can start this process anytime. For me it was at age 25. At 25 I was broke. Six years later, I was a millionaire.

You might ask, "What kind of revolution, what kind of change, what kind of thinking, what kind of magic had to happen? Was it you?"

No.

Any person, any six years you go on an intensive, accelerated personal development curve, learning curve, application curve, you can learn the disciplines. Now, it might not take the same amount of time, but the same changes and the same rewards are available for those who pay that “six-year" price. And you might find that whether it's in the beginning to help get you started or in the middle to keep you on track, your language can have a great impact on your attitude, actions and results.

You can change your life if you really want to. You can improve it, make it better—and it only takes 6 steps. Are you ready

Drago

Be Irressistable!

Some people, regardless of what they lack—money, looks, or social connections—always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.

These people are the life of every party. They're the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.

You just can't get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don't? What makes them so irresistible?"

The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.

Irresistible people aren’t constantly searching for validation, because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.

Since being irresistible isn’t the result of dumb luck, it’s time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.

Get ready to say “hello” to a new, more irresistible you.

1. They Treat EVERYONE With Respect

Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that—no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with—it’s all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else.

2. They Follow The Platinum Rule

The Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.

The Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated—corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.

3. They Ditch The Small Talk

There’s no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life.

4. They Focus On People More Than Anything Else

Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They don’t obsess over how well they’re liked, because they’re too busy focusing on the people they’re with. It’s what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.

To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you’re with. Focus on what they’re saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.

5. They Don’t Try Too Hard

Irresistible people don’t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’s not that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.

6. They Recognize The Difference Between Fact And Opinion

Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’t shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they’reopinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.

7. They Are Authentic

Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.

People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It’s easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

8. They Have Integrity

People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.

9. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

10. They Make An Effort To Look Their Best (Just Not Too Much Of An Effort)

There’s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes—it’s a sign of respect for others. But once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.

11. They Find Reasons To Love Life

Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They’re never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.

It’s not that irresistible people don’t have problems—even big ones—but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.

Bringing It All Together

Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.

They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be.

Adapted from Drago Adam's Monday motivator June 22, 2015

Challenges To Pursue To Becoming Your Best Self

I recently came across an article by Drago Adam's in his "Monday Motivator" I thought was simple but great advice. Enjoy!

Corey Sigvaldason

13 Challenges to Pursue:

1. Review your performance.
Whether it's your communication skills, whether it's recent activity, whether it's as a CEO or whether it's on the job. Here's what my father said: “Always do more than you are paid for to make an investment in your future.”

2. Face your fears. 
That's how you conquer them. Don't dismiss them—face them.

3. Exercise your willpower to change direction.You don't have to keep doing what you've been doing the last six years if it's not yielding the benefits you want. Pick a new destination and go that way. Use your willpower to start the process. Clean up the errors. Invest it now in the next year. Watch it make the difference.

4. Admit your mistakes. 
Sometimes you have to admit them to others. One of the best phrases in the English language? “I'm sorry.” (Humble Pie may taste bad. but it's good for the soul)

5. Refine your goals. 
Set some higher goals. Go for something beyond what you thought you could do. 

6. Believe in yourself. 
You've got to believe in the possibilities. There isn't a skill you can't learn; there isn't a discipline you can't try; there isn't a class you can't take; there isn't a book you can't read.

7. Ask for wisdom. This is communication of the highest source. Ask for wisdom that creates answers. Ask for the wisdom that creates faith to believe things are possible. Don't wish it was easier; wish you were better.

8. Invest your profits. 
Profits are better than wages. Wages make you a living; profits make you a fortune.

9. Live with intensity. You might as well turn it up a notch or two. Invest more of you in whatever you do. Be a little stronger; be a little wiser. Step up your vitality contribution. Put everything you've got into everything you do and then ask for more vitality, more strength and more vigor, more heart and more soul.

10. Find your place. 
If you just work on a job, find the best place you can serve well, and sure enough they'll ask you to occupy a better place. Keep doing your job well; do the very best you can. That's your best way out.

11. Demand integrity from yourself. 
Integrity is like loyalty. You can't demand it of someone else; you can only demand it of yourself. Be the best example of loyalty, and you'll get some loyal followers. Be the best example of integrity, and you'll have people around you who have integrity. Lead the way.

12. Welcome the disciplines. 
Disciplines build cities. A well-disciplined activity creates abundance, creates uniqueness, creates productivity.

13. Fight for what's right. 
If you want something valuable, you've got to fight for it. Fight the enemy and keep faith. Fight the illness and keep faith. Fight the evil and keep faith.

We trust you all are up to the challenge to become the best you can be and remember to celebrate the little victories along the way!

The Value of Encouragment

The value of encouragement cannot be overstated. In my book "Epitaph Theory" I talk about a substitute teacher who changed my life in grade ten.  I had behavioural problems in school and many of the advisors and administration were thinking a "work experience or remedial type program" may be best.  Other teachers did not want to deal with me or any issues I might have so they elected just to send me to the office on a regular basis to the people who are "paid to deal with these problems."  However that was before the best teacher I ever met, Sue Veilette (who I understand has changed her name since then), told me to stay after class.  I was fully expecting her to have a talk about my behaviour and to get the regular scolding I had coming to me for being disruptive in class. Instead, Sue proceeded to tell me she could see signs of brilliance in me and I could easily be the smartest in the class.  My behaviour was the only thing holding me back and if I just changed that I could do anything I set my mind to.  WOW! That was truly a game changer for me and from that small talk I turned my life around and went from risk of failure and permanent suspension to being an honour student who went onto many personal and career successes.  I had the privilege of meeting Sue over twenty years later to tell her the story and asking for permission to share it in my book.  That meeting came at a time in her life when she was struggling and wondering if what she did made any difference anymore so you can imagine how my story and encouragement changed her perspective.  We shared some smiles, tears and laughs and I had the opportunity to thank her many years after.  I encourage you to thank others sooner than I did.   Never underestimate the value of encouragement!

I recently read a great piece in Drago Adam's "Monday Motivator I want to share that gives additional perspective on this:

Several times in my life, I have wanted to stop, but words or deeds of encouragement have kept me going. George Adams said, “There are high spots in all of our lives, and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else.”

Years ago, an experiment was conducted to measure people’s capacity to endure pain. The test was to see how long a barefooted person could stand in a bucket of ice water. It was discovered that when there was someone else present offering encouragement and support, the person standing in the ice water could tolerate pain twice as long as when no one was present. Again, encouragement keeps us going, no matter the adversity that faces us.

Encouragement Makes People Better
To further illustrate the power of encouragement, I would like to share with you an experiment performed some time ago in the San Francisco school system. A principal in the district called in three teachers and told them that, because of their expertise, they were considered the finest teachers in the system. He also told them they would be given 90 high-IQ students who would be allowed to learn at their own pace to see how far they could advance.

At the end of the year, these students achieved 20 to 30 percent more than other students in the entire San Francisco Bay area. The principal called the three teachers in and told them he had a confession to make. He told them they didn’t have 90 of the most intellectually gifted students. In fact, academically, they were run-of-the-mill, average students picked at random. The teachers naturally concluded their exceptional teaching skills must have been responsible for the students’ great progress. But the principal had another confession to divulge: These teachers were the first three names drawn out of a hat.

Why, then, did these students and teachers perform at such an exceptional level for the entire year? They were encouraged to believe that they could. Psychologists say that, deep down, all people have certain desires in common. If you want to encourage people, help them fulfill these most basic, heartfelt desires. People want to:

: do the right thing. Stand with them. 
: find better ways of doing things. Empower them. 
: achieve things they can be proud of. Motivate them. 
: belong to a group that achieves the extraordinary. Invite them. 
: earn recognition for who they are and what they achieve. Honor them.

Encouragement Turns Lives Around
Encouragement is deciding to make your problem my problem.

I would like to share with you a wonderful story I read in A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The author of the story, Dan Clark, recalls when, as a teenager, he and his father stood in line to buy tickets for the circus. As they waited, they noticed a family immediately in front of them. The parents were holding hands and had eight children in tow, all under the age of 12. Based on their clean, but simple clothing, Clark suspected they didn’t have a lot of money. The kids chattered about the exciting things they were expecting to see, and he could tell the circus was going to be a new adventure for them.

As the couple approached the counter, the attendant quoted the price for the entire family. The woman let go of her husband’s hand, and her head dropped. The man leaned a little closer and asked, “How much did you say?” The attendant again quoted the price; the man obviously didn’t have enough money. He looked crushed. Clark says that his father, who was watching all of this play out, put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a $20 bill and dropped it on the ground. His father then reached down, picked up the bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket.” The man knew exactly what was going on, and he looked straight into Clark’s father’s eyes, took his hand, shook it and, with tears streaming down his cheeks, replied, “Thank you, thank you, sir. This really means a lot to me and my family.”

Clark and his father went back to the car and drove home. They didn’t have enough money to go to the circus that night. But it didn’t matter. It encouraged the whole family. And it was something neither family would ever forget.

Encouragement Gives Hope

My wife, Margaret, and I love to visit presidential libraries and museums. While most people are in and out, we take our time. I usually take a notebook and will come out with anywhere from six to a dozen lessons on leadership.

At the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C., they had some of the personal articles Abraham Lincoln had with him the night he was assassinated at the Ford Theatre on display. Among those listed, there was a Confederate $5 bill and a worn-out newspaper article that extolled Lincoln’s accomplishments as president. The article starts out, “Abe Lincoln is one of the greatest statesmen of all time.”

Isn’t it interesting that the president of the United States, the most powerful man in the free world, would be walking around with a worn-out newspaper clipping in his pocket from somebody who was giving him praise? If you are a student of Lincoln, it makes sense. He was never really appreciated until after his death. But here he is, hanging on to one man’s opinion saying he was doing a good job.

Everybody Needs Somebody
None of us achieve anything without the help of somebody else. In fact, some of the greatest discoveries and achievements in history happened because these people were encouraged by others. Authors C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien maintained a close friendship throughout their careers, sharing their love of mythical stories and a desire to create those stories for the public. It was Tolkien who led Lewis to Christianity, and it was Lewis who encouraged Tolkien to keep writing fiction. It is said the literary world would have neither The Chronicles of Narnia nor The Lord of the Rings if not for the friendship between these two men.

One of the great things about encouragement is that you don’t have to be brilliant to encourage people; you just have to have a heart for other people. Find ways to encourage others. Put your arm around them, and tell them how much you appreciate them. You never know if that one good act of kindness is exactly what they need. As you encourage others, you encourage yourself.

When giving encouragement, be sure it’s earned. And remember to keep it sincere, honest, appropriate, meaningful, balanced and specific. Think of someone who has been an encouragement to you. Follow their example and pay it forward to someone you know. Don’t hesitate; do it today and make a difference in someone’s life.

If you are looking to make changes in your business or personal life to create greater impact and results please contact me as I would love to help.

I wish you all the best and exceptional success however you define it!

Corey

My Determinants For Success

     Over the next few months I am beginning a series on the major determinants of success.   I will give the list today but over the next few months will expand on the ideas listed and provide greater clarity, expectation, and methods so you can use them on your way to even greater success in your own life.

     The list is based on my many years as an entrepreneur, consultant, coach, and university instructor in addition to current research I am doing in this area as I prepare to obtain my PhD.  This is not to be the be all end all but merely a long list of many, not all, factors that lead to what I call true success in life.

    

     Corey’s major determinants of Success:

1.      Self confident

2.      Goal setting

3.      Persistent

4.      Hard working

5.      Self aware

6.      Positive minded (optimist vs. pessimist)

7.      View failure as learning opportunity

8.      Optimistic but realistic (not pie in the sky)

9.      High EQ,RQ, and social competence

10.    Vision (Visioning works!)

11.    Drive (Intrinsic motivation)

12.    Do What Unsuccessful People Are Unwilling To Do (Habits and Face              Challenges)

13.   Have Fun and Enjoy The Journey  (Views from the Top) “It cannot be                considered success unless you are smiling”-Joe Desena

14.   Leadership and great ideas can come from anywhere and are not dependent   on position

15.   Synergies create a better outcome than the sum of the parts

16.   Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory

17.   If it doesn't challenge you, it sure as heck won’t change you

So there it is.  I look forward to expanding upon each of these ideas and generating discussion around these.  I also look forward to feedback and any additional things you have found that I have missing in this list.

"Advice For Want To Be Entrepreneurs"

I was recently asked a series of questions from a friend that is looking at starting a business as part of their requirements for a program they are utilizing for potential funding.  I then thought this information which is my own personal opinions and what I have learned may be helpful to others and I would love to have people give additional feedback and comments as it is a great question and avenue to share your own experiences and thoughts.  Please enjoy this unedited version of those answers and I look forward to hearing your input.

1 What made you go into business for yourself?

I went into business for myself to have the ability to be my own boss and determine my hours and control my financial destiny.  Take my experience and try to do things better.  If I am not happy with my situation and think some things should be done differently the best way to accomplish that is by creating the environment to make that possible-Entrepreneurship!

2 What was hard about it?

There is a time lag that can come with cash flow and developing  a business.  I also found focus and what priorities I made versus what priorities I should make determined my success (being effective vs. just being busy).  As I  am only accountable to myself, I think having a mentor or coach to help keep me focused and accountable led to my greatest successes.

3 What was surprising about it?

having a strong and compelling vision and dream is easy but keeping focused and committed is hard as the amount of work and how hard it is to reach the goals was harder than expected and took longer than I expected.  Mistakes and failure will come…how we deal with it when it happens ultimately shapes our success long term.

4 What do you really enjoy about having your own business?

Flexibility and making a difference. Sense of accomplishment when success comes.

5 What skills are needed to successfully operate a business?

Financial, time, and stress management.  Organizational skills.  Communication,sales and marketing skills.  Relationship building and networking. Many others but those are the first that come to mind.

6 What advice would give to a person wanting to start their own business?

Spend a lot of time planning out the details before launching the business.  It gives the guide and roadmap but also the measurement and accountability needed to succeed. Ensure all tools and resources are in place to ensure you put your best foot forward early. First impressions count!

"Doing Things Right" or "Doing The Right Things"

I recently saw this question asked in a forum I follow and felt compelled to answer. Below is my answer to this question. Doing the wrong things right means you are still doing something wrong. It always pays to do the right things! Doing the right things doesn't always mean things turn out as you planned but it does allow you to maintain your integrity and hold your head high in whatever the decision is. I use to always say my guiding principles in decision making were "let common sense and your conscience be your guide." I realize for those of you who are employed it may put you in an awkward position and possibly put your employment at risk. However, I would ask the question "what is the effect on your health of doing things you know are wrong even when done right?" Also, the long term implications of the answer to this answer, not just the short term, need to be considered. It can take years or decades to build a reputation and integrity but it only takes one bad decision to take that away or have it questioned (i.e. doing a wrong thing the right way AKA doing as you are told even when you know it is wrong). When in doubt take the high road. If you are worried about repercussions from an employer or boss then have a discussion and express those concerns and possibly put those concerns in writing and help them understand your point and be open to what they have to say before assuming you know it is wrong. I look forward to hearing other people's comments. In the meantime, keep your head held high!